Every night at seven 'o' clock Badger and I are wrenched from our cosy houses, sat on our staff's laps and forced to watch the evening news while being stroked so vigorously we're both developing bald patches on our backs. Badger finds the news programme very distasteful and glares at whichever talking head is on with open hostility. Many of the news items appal him. He can't believe how inhuman humans can be to each other. Personally I find it fascinating. For example last night there was a feature on how the American Republican party are giving poor Mr O'Barmer a hard time over the USA's debt limit.
As I understand it, and remember I'm just a guinea pig, if congress doesn't agree to raise the nation's debt limit very soon, the USA could default on it's trillions of dollars of debt. At which point the sky will fall, so will the stock market and with it, my staff's superannuation. The Republicans (I know my American friends will correct me if I'm wrong.) are demanding huge government spending cuts before they'll sign off on extending the debt limit - which is already as big and shiny as Badger's bum. Apparently if there's no compromise the government will effectively shut down. Public servants won't be paid, and even the poor buggers on social security won't get a cent. Not that Republicans have ever given any thought to them anyway.
Now hold on just one doggone cottonpickin' minute dagnabbit ya varmint. You'll have to excuse me, I was a great fan of Deputy Dawg when I was a guinea piglet and since then I've found it hard to believe that not all Americans talk like he did. For those of you too young to remember Deputy Dawg, that's your problem. You should have chosen older parents. Anyway, chronologically Deputy Dawg came somewhere between Felix the Cat and Wacky Races. I believe he and Top Cat were contemporaries. He was certainly around before Scooby-do anyway. I've lost my train of thought now. You really shouldn't get me side-tracked like that.
Ah yes. Don't you humans think it's a bit rich for the Republicans to be holding the nation to ransom. Weren't they the ones who voted enormous, unaffordable tax cuts for the rich? Weren't they also the ones who got the States into a totally unjustifiable, illegal and destabilising multi-trillion dollar war in Iraq and a slightly more justifiable but still un-winnable multi-trillion dollar war in Afghanistan? Has Mr O'Barmer pointed this out to them? Has he not mentioned that if George Dubya hadn't been such a dork America wouldn't be in such a mess. Would he like me to. Feel free to pass on this message. I'm sure many of you who read this blog in America have the ear of the president. If so, he wants it back as he can't hear what the bloody Republicans are blathering on about. Ha ha, sorry about that. Just my little piggy joke.
Seriously though, you guys across the pond need to get your act together and fix this problem. I'll be holding you responsible if you default on your debts, the markets crash and my staff's superannuation becomes as worthless as a piece of Badger's bush chocolate, meaning that they can't afford to buy my lettuce. You want to be seen as responsible world leaders? Well damn well act like it. Now, is it time for the evening news yet?
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