My First Christmas

I'm about to experience my first Christmas, and if I'm honest I'm really not looking forward to it. Pea keeps mumbling about how he hates this time of year. "You can never get a car park, the shops are always packed with people so fat they can hardly squeeze their great wobbling backsides down the aisles and the TV ads scream at you not to "Miss out," like there won't be a sale on Boxing Day when you can buy the same crap for half the price." That was one of his better rants. Mostly he just shambles about the house muttering "Bah Humbug!"

My cage is conveniently situated next to the TV so as cavies go I'm pretty well informed and I have to admit that Pea seems to have a point. The TV news lately has been full of images of snowbound airports in Britain and people queuing around the block at London railways stations. It seems that the TV interviewers always find a foreigner to whinge about the situation. Presumably the British just say "Oh well, you know, mustn't grumble.  I've been camping at Heathrow for three weeks now but there's plenty of tea and digestives so things could be worse."

I'm led to believe that Christmas is a Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus about two thousand years ago but the only time I hear the word Jesus is when a Harvey Norman advert appears on the TV and Pea says "Jesus Christ!  Not another bloody Harvey Norman ad!"  Actually the only Christmas tradition that Pea and Chook seem to participate in is that of eating too much and drinking more than is prudent.  Even a guinea pig can tell when someone has had one too many.  Chook, who apparently works in something called the "health field", (It must get cold and wet working all day in a field - even a so called health one.) says that the hospitals are always full at Christmas.  Pea said that it was no wonder that Jesus was born in a stable.  The hospitals were probably full of dorks who in drunken stupors had set fire to the Christmas tree and tried to put out the blaze with a bottle of brandy.

Anyway, rest assured dear readers that I will be quite happy in my cage munching on an endless supply of beans and carrots and watching the Queens Christmas message on telly.  Pea and Chook are just looking forward to January 2nd.  Merry Christmas!